Keanu Reeves is one of the kindest and most genuine people in Hollywood. Whoopi Goldberg, on the other hand, was recently voted “the most hated person” in Hollywood, a distinction that no one seems to be able to refute.
Reeves was chosen by the TV Production Committee to present this year’s lifetime achievement award, a role he was honored to take on… until he learned he would have to share the stage and present the award to Whoopi Goldberg.
“He’s not a nice person,” Reeves said in a voice that almost sounded like he was talking to Rufus outside the Circle K, “I don’t want to be remembered as the guy who made that mistake.”
Justin Timberlake, Winona Ryder and Gloria Estefan also declined. They are still waiting for a response from Jackie and Kelso, who desperately need something different to happen in their lives, but no one seems to be able to find them.
“We think those two are probably in a ravine somewhere after losing their social media followers to the worst apology video ever recorded,” said Capt. Joe Barron of the 136th Marine Legal Unit, “We’re going to start here in Los Angeles and go ravine to ravine until we find them.”
Others believe they may also be in something more shallow, like a ditch or even a puddle, but all agree they are probably dying of embarrassment, along with their careers. Topher Grace was not available for comment, once again leaving his dignity intact.
Reeves said there’s no way he’ll change his mind, no matter how silly the story gets. God bless America.
